March 18,2009 Wednesday

I am feeling better. I rarely take medication here, I have taken advil maybe 3 times, but I am so happy to be on these pills! My cough is so much better. I slept in late today, and that made me just feel refreshed in general. I know nasty Monday’s pushed me over the edge. But today I realized a lot. I went and sat at the beach today. It was packed, and everyone was tanning. But I couldn’t seem to get tanned! I have decreased my advil consumption, but my mcflurry eating rate has been rising like crazy…. It is amazing here. Oreos, gelato, and hot fudge…It can’t get any better than that… And it made my throat feel better. Maria Rosa has been super sweet. I kept coughing up the pills (that wouldn’t go down because my tonsils were so swollen) and she made me take the pills with honey. And it worked. For dinner she made me my favorite, rice and homemade egg rolls. And she gave me mouse too! And she hasn’t said anything about me waking her up with my coughing!

I realized a lot today. I talked to my friend Stephanie whom I worked with in MN and who is in the MBA program. She is so insightful, and helpful. She understands, and she fell in love, and I am so happy for her. “It’s better to be worn out and a little sick, than to have sat at home and stayed healthy”. She understood why I pushed myself! She is amazing, and last semester was always there to help me with my problems. She used to live in Barcelona, along with so many other cities. She is so smarted and experienced! I really look up to her. She has gone through so much, and still smiles. Ahh she is my role model. She also helped me realize these things.

*I can still work in a small town when I have kids. I realized that I need a big city now. I can’t imagine not living in a metropolitan city in the states or here. It makes my life exciting and there is always so much to do. Why settle young. You should be living life to the fullest, pushing yourself. And I am doing just that. These are the best years of my life, and I love what I am experiencing. I love Minneapolis so much.

*I need to learn to do things more that I should have learned growing up. Cooking and driving stick for example. And how to shoot a gun well. I got most likely to leave Tomahawk, but I do appreciate some aspects about it. But I can’t imagine staying there right out of high school; it’s just not my style. But I am going to be home one more summer. And I am going to learn these things. And spend more time outside. I loved what Tomahawk gave me. High School was amazing, especially junior/senior year. I tell people stories and they still can’t believe some of the fun we had. It was the perfect town, and it did help keep your innocents if you wanted it.

*That I can’t have a desk job. She told me I was a people person and I need a job that has human interaction. I agree with that, and she is helping me brainstorm:) We will see where this takes me. She told me I should work at a chamber of commerce or something. The pay is almost nothing, but hopefully I can make money living in the cities until my 30’s. But I am glad I am on this track.
Stephanie is amazing and insightful. This doesn’t seem like a lot. BUT I KNOW I CAN’T HAVE A DESK JOB.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Tommorrow is my ex’s birthday. We aren’t really on great terms. We try to be, and I really wanted to be, because I can’t imagine life without him because I do still love him. But the yesterday I called him and he was crabby beyond belief. Not even crabby, he just was brief and basically was a slap in the face that I called. I decided that I do need to cut ties, and I texted him that yesterday. I know I will call him tomorrow for his birthday, but today this is where I’m at. I am sick, but I went out for a run. And I ran really far, but I had so much energy. I ran through the palm trees, and to the national palace. That is where the Olympians ran. I could see the torch holder in the background, and the national palaces fountains were all glowing and changing colors. Tibedados cathedral was glowing yellow at night. It was gorgeous. And I just felt relieved. And I can’t explain it. I was listening to Click Five’s second cd which helped me forget about my ex two summers ago. It felt amazing to run through something so gorgeous. But I realized I am over him. I put way too much into trying to get back with him when it should have been him trying. I have kissed guys here, and hung out with ones that make me feel great. And he always says I have drama, well its drama he added to. And I am not trying to bash him, and I want to remain friends, but he just pushed me too far yesterday. I still want to be friends, but we can’t be anything. He was so mean on the phone yesterday. Even when he called me on my birthday at midnight I talked to him. I will call tomorrow and be nice. But I am not going to admit my emotions to him anymore. I will love him for a long time, but the difference is I am stopping the caring part. He told me to get over him. And yesterday I realized I am going to, and am. I may have added drama to his life, but I was good for him and he never appreciated it. Who knows what will happen. It’s all up to him now. I will not initiate anything anymore, but I will be friendly. I have put too much energy into trying to be nice. I will not call him anymore this trip (his birthday doesn’t count). He asked for this. What he did on the phone the other day was the final straw. He says he forgets people to get over things. I am just thinking to the future.